My parents have been hounding me about what I'm going to do this summer, and I've been considering a few things but I think I decided. I love movies. And tv. I know I'm a huge LA stereotype but I want to make movies when I'm all grown up. For a while I didn't have any friends which I used as an excuse to not make any films ("I have no actors!" "I can't do it by myself!"). Now that I do have friends I don't really have an excuse. I've got a camera, a laptop with Final Cut Pro, plenty of different clothes, the know-how, and now the cast. So this summer, I've decided, is going to be one of creation. I have this old notebook covered in stickers that I put all my short film ideas into and (ideally) I want to finish all of them, but some of them are a little extravagant to be honest so I'm going to make the best ones. I am going to choose my favorites, the ones I'm really confident about, and make them into something substantial. 

Poem

FUCK.

I MISS HIM FOR REAL. LIKE GENUINELY I MISS HIM.

FUCK.

The Winds of Change

Yesterday my friend Maisie was telling me about her spirituality and determining how much "witch mojo" we had going on. She said I probably have a lot because strange things happen to me, like I always run into celebrities, but they're always from something I had been obsessing/thinking about a lot around that time. We're going to try to cast some spells this weekend, now seems like a good time for a couple reasons.

1. The weather has been strange. Yesterday it was cold and windy but with blue skies all day (all week too), then in the afternoon while we were practicing throws on the field a big raincloud formed over the school and it started to rain shortly after. I had checked the weather on my phone just before we started and it said there was a 5% chance of rain. The weirdest part though was that you could see blue skies still, and when we walked down the street we were out of the rain but we could still see it raining on our school. The cloud was only over our school, all the surrounding streets were dry.

2. All my bad karma has been cashing itself in this week. Random bad things keep happening, and long term things that were bound to go wrong did this week. 

I have this hunch that all this means that there is a pivotal change coming soon. You know, rain is symbolic for a new start and people often relate wind to change ("the winds of change"). I don't know much about this, but if there was ever a time to communicate (and possibly bargain) with the universe it would be now.

Short 'n' Sweet

I don't know why but it feels like I can't stop messing up. The worst part is that it is all my fault. I'm like the person in a horror movie who goes down to the basement and you just sit there yelling "WHAT ARE DOING?! YOU STUPID SHIT DON'T GO DOWN THERE! THIS IS THE WORST DECISION YOU COULD HAVE MADE!!!" but they go in anyway and surprise surprise they're brutally murdered by a ghost or some guy in a hockey mask. Although I guess it's more like all my bad decisions came back to bite me in the ass this week. Like telling the girl no one can/should trust that I liked a boy and her telling him, therefore ruining my chances (and I know for sure they're ruined, because as of yesterday, he is dating someone else.) That's another thing, what is it me and boys. They just don't like me. True fact: No boy I have ever known has ever had a crush on me. I know this for a fact. The weird part is that I am not an unattractive or particularly unpleasant person (I think). So what is it? Why does my presence ward off any member of the opposite sex within a 50 ft radius?  I know it doesn't matter especially at this age and truthfully all of these guys are assholes, but (I imagine) it feels nice to be wanted. You know that song "I want you to want meeee, I need you to need meeee!" Well... that. Usually when a lot of bad things happen at once I like to think that a big fluctuation in my timeline is coming, like something pivotal to my story is about to happen. Who knows, but I hope it's something good.