Thoughts for Maisie

This weekend I really wanted to watch Little Shop of Horrors. I downloaded it form iTunes but for some reason it stopped downloading about 5 minutes in, so I can only watch the first 5 minutes of Little Shop of Horrors. I tried to re-download it but the iTunes page was frozen so I ended up watching an Elvis documentary instead. I don't know if any performer form our generation will be preserved through history like Elvis. I think Beyoncé could be, not just because I'm a fan of her but also because she has such a large fan base and is an extremely famous pop-culture figure who is not only talented but glamorous and graceful as well.

I hope that if I do become a screenwriter when I'm older I don't uncomfortably force pop culture references into my show and have my characters dress like seventeen magazine took a neon shit on the disney channel. Like what is with all the chunky necklaces and layers? I don't have time before school to put on 16 bracelets, a beanie, a bow, a headband, a chunky necklace, 5 rings, and fucking leg warmers. I just get really mad about this because most shows aimed at teens makes us look like complete idiots. The old dudes writing the show wedge buzzwords like "Instagram" and "Facebook" and "Harry Styles." Also I don't understand why they think we talk in acronyms. Alright to be honest my friends and I do talk in acronyms sometimes but we don't think we're trendy because we do. I know I sound super pretentious, but we do it ironically. No "cool" teenager uses swag like they mean it. I want to be able to integrate pop culture in a funny and real way. There is this bootylicious man that my friends and I all know and we don't like giggle and say "omg he's soooo cute, I wanna hold and hands and take a selfie with him." Oh no friend, our commentary on this man is much more sexual, and comes with a lot of eyebrow wiggling and innuendo. The person who represents young people the best I think is Mindy Kaling. Her show is very nearly perfect. She talks about relevant things but how an actual person would talk about them. 

My parents have been hounding me about what I'm going to do this summer, and I've been considering a few things but I think I decided. I love movies. And tv. I know I'm a huge LA stereotype but I want to make movies when I'm all grown up. For a while I didn't have any friends which I used as an excuse to not make any films ("I have no actors!" "I can't do it by myself!"). Now that I do have friends I don't really have an excuse. I've got a camera, a laptop with Final Cut Pro, plenty of different clothes, the know-how, and now the cast. So this summer, I've decided, is going to be one of creation. I have this old notebook covered in stickers that I put all my short film ideas into and (ideally) I want to finish all of them, but some of them are a little extravagant to be honest so I'm going to make the best ones. I am going to choose my favorites, the ones I'm really confident about, and make them into something substantial. 

Poem

FUCK.

I MISS HIM FOR REAL. LIKE GENUINELY I MISS HIM.

FUCK.

The Winds of Change

Yesterday my friend Maisie was telling me about her spirituality and determining how much "witch mojo" we had going on. She said I probably have a lot because strange things happen to me, like I always run into celebrities, but they're always from something I had been obsessing/thinking about a lot around that time. We're going to try to cast some spells this weekend, now seems like a good time for a couple reasons.

1. The weather has been strange. Yesterday it was cold and windy but with blue skies all day (all week too), then in the afternoon while we were practicing throws on the field a big raincloud formed over the school and it started to rain shortly after. I had checked the weather on my phone just before we started and it said there was a 5% chance of rain. The weirdest part though was that you could see blue skies still, and when we walked down the street we were out of the rain but we could still see it raining on our school. The cloud was only over our school, all the surrounding streets were dry.

2. All my bad karma has been cashing itself in this week. Random bad things keep happening, and long term things that were bound to go wrong did this week. 

I have this hunch that all this means that there is a pivotal change coming soon. You know, rain is symbolic for a new start and people often relate wind to change ("the winds of change"). I don't know much about this, but if there was ever a time to communicate (and possibly bargain) with the universe it would be now.

Short 'n' Sweet

I don't know why but it feels like I can't stop messing up. The worst part is that it is all my fault. I'm like the person in a horror movie who goes down to the basement and you just sit there yelling "WHAT ARE DOING?! YOU STUPID SHIT DON'T GO DOWN THERE! THIS IS THE WORST DECISION YOU COULD HAVE MADE!!!" but they go in anyway and surprise surprise they're brutally murdered by a ghost or some guy in a hockey mask. Although I guess it's more like all my bad decisions came back to bite me in the ass this week. Like telling the girl no one can/should trust that I liked a boy and her telling him, therefore ruining my chances (and I know for sure they're ruined, because as of yesterday, he is dating someone else.) That's another thing, what is it me and boys. They just don't like me. True fact: No boy I have ever known has ever had a crush on me. I know this for a fact. The weird part is that I am not an unattractive or particularly unpleasant person (I think). So what is it? Why does my presence ward off any member of the opposite sex within a 50 ft radius?  I know it doesn't matter especially at this age and truthfully all of these guys are assholes, but (I imagine) it feels nice to be wanted. You know that song "I want you to want meeee, I need you to need meeee!" Well... that. Usually when a lot of bad things happen at once I like to think that a big fluctuation in my timeline is coming, like something pivotal to my story is about to happen. Who knows, but I hope it's something good.

Based God Bless Us, Every One!

A lot of people have misconceptions about catholic school. I mean, yes we learn about Jesus and yes some of our teachers used to be nuns but there are layers to this, man. The catholic school social scene is like Gossip Girl for people just as rich but much less fancy. There are 6 big schools, which are sometimes referred to as "The Double Trinity." (Although if you actually called it that you would not be cool) I go to one of the main schools and as someone who is part of that scene let me tell you, it's fucking weird. It's like this whole sub-culture that the general public doesn't know about. We meet at football games, fancy ass parties, tus in people's backyards, kickbacks, and birthday parties that are supposed to be PG but those 2 kids always bring R rated stuff (everyone was secretly hoping they would though). There's somewhat of a hierarchy and the best way to explain it is this.

1. The Famous Kids: Not actually famous but everyone knows their name even if they haven't met them. They know what school they go to, who they've hooked up with, and where they're going to be during the weekend.

2. The Popular Kids: Not quite as big as the Famous Kids, but pretty well known. You'd go if you were invited to their party and you probably know what school they go to. You could casually hang out with these kids (if you're on the same tier) or tu with them.

3. The Bad Kids: Okay so I almost put these after the Chill kids because the Bad kids don't really give a shit about social status or anything mostly. They're usually the ones bringing the party to the party (if you catch my drift). Most of them are a little more "indie" then the rest. Like Tumblr, cyber-goth, art people.

4. The Chill Kids: These kids know a fair amount of people. They show up to parties (sometimes) and maybe dance but usually don't take part in any illicit activities.

5. The Randos: Basically just the background characters at school. Maybe you'd see them at a dance or something and say hi but you don't know them and they don't know you. 

Thats a rough sketch of what kids are like here. 

*I don't if this is specific to where I live but every boy in the top 2 tiers wears those short sleeve button up hawaiian shirts, nike socks, and fucking khakis wherever they go. 

Happy Birthday!

Dear Birthday Girl/Boy,

Today is your birthday!! Birthdays are weird because when you think about growing up and growing older you imagine yourself getting taller, skin clearing, and becoming more beautiful automatically. But you don't. You just live your life until one day you take a good look at yourself in the mirror and realize that maybe your legs are little longer, you have freckles on your nose, your cheeks are a little more rosy, your waist and hips are filling out, and you're an actual person now. Before you were just someone's kid, a student, a sibling, and you had no worries because you knew your course for the next 10 years. But now you make choices, and the choices you make have consequences more than just sitting in the corner facing the wall and now you meet people and they know you as you. As the person that you presented to them, that was carefully shaped by experiences and the people you knew but now with a little dash of independence. With an extra kick of things you figured out for yourself. Other people still affect your character but now you have to let them. You have to be open to learning from them and considering their ideas and opinions without disregarding your own. And that is so so important, because you should always be open to hearing what others have to say. It teaches you how to use your moral compass, because anyone can say something with confidence and it's easy to believe in what they're saying, but really you just believe in the way they said it. Really think about the things you hear and say, and when you figure it out, be passionate and say what you mean with conviction. But make sure what you're saying will make the world better. Think about it like this, what would the world be like if everyone followed this advice? Don't just say "it would be better." Think about it in regards to the happiness and well-being of humanity and don't be afraid to change your mind.

Love,
Clara

I was born on March 19, 1999 (yes, that's tomorrow!), in California. Growing up in CA was probably weirder than I remember it being. The only things I can pinpoint about it now would be most of my friends in elementary school's parents being actors or something relating to show business, so most of my playdates consisted of pools, HD viewings of the Little Mermaid, big corridors, and getting lost in backyards. I always saw California as being a caricature of a city, with all the old buildings from the forties backlit by pink and purple sherbet swirls. My whole city is painted, too. Grocery stores have watermelons, tomatoes, and loaves of bread all painted across the side and the Virgin Mary's image chalked into sidewalks and spray painted on walls, stuck to windows, printed on t-shirts. Which conveniently transitions me to school. I've gone to Catholic School my entire life, including pre-school, which is kind of funny because A. I am not Catholic and B. most of the people I know from school aren't Catholic either. I just started high school (all girls) this year, and first semester was pretty much a clusterfuck of me getting a terrible reputation with the male teachers, which I'll talk about sometime in the future.