Late May 2015

I don't even know why you bother being nice to me if you're just going to ice me out the next day. I don't get it, and you know you do it don't pretend like you don't. I miss when we were friends and we would just chill in your room and talk about random shit. I liked it when you told us stuff about your life. You're always choosing your words so carefully with us you would always do that but if we talked to you long enough you would do it less and less. I miss that. I miss when it was simple. I guess I don't blame you for what went wrong and I'm pretty sure I know why you're treating me like this now. I know the position you're in but to be fair you don't know what it was like okay. You don't know what he said to all of us, it was miles past acceptable. This is what frustrates me, this non-communicative cold shoulder bullshit. Today felt like a non-day, it felt almost surreal and when i was lying on the floor I couldn't feel time passing and i could hear sounds but barely any words and it felt like I was alone even though I wasn't. Sometimes I feel so severed and separate from everything I feel trapped inside my own head. Maybe thats just teen angsty bullshit but when I move to iceland after graduation you're gonna regret not treating me better. why didn't you just kick me out if you saw me there? Maybe you should have looked up from computer for a second maybe you should have been a little nicer obviously i was upset what kind of mentally stable person lays on the floor of a classroom like that. I'm not asking for your pity I just wish you would say something or look at me once and while I bought you this stupid fucking patch that I was going to give to you but now i want to burn it. I'll probably still give it to you. fuck you. you are so emotionally detached and if we were friends i would be so much better we would talk this shit out and you would always feel loved because thats what i do for my friends. thats what im doing always i am helping others emotionally. You know someone who I barely know was nicer to me today when i cried than u have ever been to me this entire year and i've spent 10 times as much time with you. i want to slap your face but at the same time it feels like if i just let you make me give up on you then you win and i want you to lose and be happy. truthfully you don't deserve the kind of friend i am. I;m an amazing friend and you're a loser and you're never nice to me but for some odd fucking reason i keep trying to break you and make you accept my friendship. after this year ends dont ever fucking talk to me ever again. just dont just dont even look at me like you always do okay and dont worry i wont do any of that shit to you

Rainy Day+Ramen noodles

Skirt made by me

Rocky Horror Midnight Showing

gotta figure out how to take less shit quality pics

 Kbbq with friends

I found this dress at the flea market for $17.

It kind of reminds me of Clueless or the Spice Girls.

Thoughts for Maisie

This weekend I really wanted to watch Little Shop of Horrors. I downloaded it form iTunes but for some reason it stopped downloading about 5 minutes in, so I can only watch the first 5 minutes of Little Shop of Horrors. I tried to re-download it but the iTunes page was frozen so I ended up watching an Elvis documentary instead. I don't know if any performer form our generation will be preserved through history like Elvis. I think Beyoncé could be, not just because I'm a fan of her but also because she has such a large fan base and is an extremely famous pop-culture figure who is not only talented but glamorous and graceful as well.

I hope that if I do become a screenwriter when I'm older I don't uncomfortably force pop culture references into my show and have my characters dress like seventeen magazine took a neon shit on the disney channel. Like what is with all the chunky necklaces and layers? I don't have time before school to put on 16 bracelets, a beanie, a bow, a headband, a chunky necklace, 5 rings, and fucking leg warmers. I just get really mad about this because most shows aimed at teens makes us look like complete idiots. The old dudes writing the show wedge buzzwords like "Instagram" and "Facebook" and "Harry Styles." Also I don't understand why they think we talk in acronyms. Alright to be honest my friends and I do talk in acronyms sometimes but we don't think we're trendy because we do. I know I sound super pretentious, but we do it ironically. No "cool" teenager uses swag like they mean it. I want to be able to integrate pop culture in a funny and real way. There is this bootylicious man that my friends and I all know and we don't like giggle and say "omg he's soooo cute, I wanna hold and hands and take a selfie with him." Oh no friend, our commentary on this man is much more sexual, and comes with a lot of eyebrow wiggling and innuendo. The person who represents young people the best I think is Mindy Kaling. Her show is very nearly perfect. She talks about relevant things but how an actual person would talk about them.